"Why Lightsabers are Better than Blasters" -- A look into my early education.

I found this essay tonight. I wrote it in late 3rd or early 4th grade. It's just one example of a multitude of 5-paragraph essays that I wrote in my early childhood, which effectively prepared me for the SAT and sundry other standardized tests later in life. Thank you, home schooling. (Note: all spelling/grammatical errors are transcribed with exactness. Also, you should picture this written in my best cursive... which of course is terrifying.)

Why Lightsabers are Better than Blasters

Lightsabers, were the acient weapon of the jedi. jedi often made their own, but some were passed down from jedi to jedi. They were sacred weapons, while blasters were ordinary. That's why it's my opinion that lightsabers are better than blasters.

Lightsabers were more powerful, they could deflect blastershots. They were much more dangerous, though.

They're also more elegant, though harder to find, unless you make your own.

They can go through more, in case you need to remove a panel, to get at some wires, though it might go too far, and slice those wires.

I hope you will agree with me, that lightsabers are better than blasters, despite the difficulties.


Here was the reaction from the first people to read this essay in 16 years:

Dad: "Pretty persuasive, wouldn't you say? Would you ever choose a blaster after reading that?"
Ryan: "Depends. How big is the blaster?"

Story Time

This is Daddy's Father's Day present.

Daddy's home now, and that means more exciting bedtime stories for Cim. Last night her request was for a "chomping food" story. It went something like this:


Once upon a time, there was a little girl who liked to chomp her food. She would chomp food all day long if it was available. 

One day, her mother approached her and said, "You chomp your food like a goat. You chew your cud like a cow. You nibble like a horse. And frankly, it's disgusting.

And the little girl said, "Why, whatever do you mean?"

The mother said, "In polite company, we chew with our lips closed."

The little girl considered this, and then protested, "But if I close my lips while I'm chomping my food, that places my lips dangerously close to my teeth. How will I keep from biting them?"

The mother replied, "That, my dear, is one of the dangerous orthodoxies with which we live. So from now on, you will please chew your food with your lips shut."

So the little girl began to chomp her food with her lips shut. At first, she was nervous, afraid that she would bite her lips. But she didn't. And in the end, she realized that chewing with her lips closed was not only more couth and polite, but it prevented her half-chewed food from falling back out of her mouth again. From then on both she and her mother were much happier at mealtimes--which, at this house, were frequent.

The End