It looks like I haven't written anything on here for awhile. In truth, I've written, I just haven't posted anything for awhile.
I've been working on a post about dreams--the waking kind, the kind that help motivate and inspire and guide our lives. In fact, if you were really on top of things, you might have seen part of it when I posted it for about 20 minutes the other day. I had started the post a week or so before, and then came back to it a few days ago determined to "post something" on the blog. So I rattled off a second half for that post and put it up, which (temporarily) made me feel good about myself and like I had accomplished something.
But it didn't feel right. I knew I hadn't finished the post in the same spirit which had originally prompted it. This was confirmed when my wonderful, honest husband informed me that I had gotten stuck in metaphor, not given enough of my own thoughts, not made a connection between myself and the metaphors, ended flippantly, and essentially "wimped out."
Ouch.
He was right. I pulled the post down and hoped nobody had seen it.
I realized that my goal that day had been simply to post, not to explore my own thoughts or to search for truth, be it personal or universal. I was seeking self-gratification and a minor sense of achievement, where if I'd done the post justice I could have found self-fulfillment and a sense not only of achievement but of gratitude and satisfaction.
So, the post sits in my drafts folder, where it will remain until I've revised both my writing and my thinking. Because you, readers, deserve better. And I know better. And I deserve better, too.
I like this a lot. I didn't see that post, but I can't wait to read it! I definitely get stuck in the "I just have to post SOMETHING" trap sometimes. Lately I've had a hard time off and on finding the balance - I've been working so much on non-blog writing (i.e. novel and an essay that I am working on for an editor) that sometimes my words are all used up by the end of the day and I have nothing to say. Last week was one of those weeks. And sometimes I just have to accept that some weeks are like that, and won't have as much posting.
ReplyDeleteOh, and for the record, I always get super excited when I see a post on your blog. AND I LOVE that picture.
ReplyDeleteI wish I posted half as frequently as you do, lol! I have ideas now and then, but I frequently forget them before I head to the computer. I think I'm going to start scribbling ideas on a note pad to remind me. I felt really strongly this morning that I need to write more; I think it needs to be a combination of blogging, working on novels, and journaling. I haven't done well at ANY of those in the last few years.
DeleteThank you so much for being excited to see posts on here. I love getting your comments. Also, for the story behind that picture, check back tomorrow. It won't be a long post, but it'll have some more pictures.
P.S. As I was reading your comments, Cim climbed up on my lap and pointed to your picture. I said, "That's Cindy." She said, "Cindy cute!"