What is My "Holdning"?

A few weeks ago my younger brother, who is currently a missionary in Denmark, sent home a translation of a talk he gave in church. He had a note at the beginning that caught my attention.

"Elder Nørgaard [his native Danish companion] translated it quickly for me, so the language isn't as polished as it would otherwise be. Also the word he translated as attitude was the Danish word 'holdning' which doesn't really have an English equivalent. It's basically attitude, perspective, conviction and position all in one word."

I've always been fascinated by words that don't have a good translation into another language, but this one made me really stop and think. In his talk, James mentioned several holdning (not sure how you pluralize in Danish) from the scriptures, good and bad examples, such as, "It's too hard" (1 Nephi 3:4-5) vs. "I must obey" (2 Nephi 33:15) He ended with the ultimate good example of holdning, which is Christ's expression, "Thy will be done" (Matt. 26:42).

Lately, my holdning has been pretty negative. I could probably sum up my attitude, perspective, conviction, and position with the phrase, "Why bother?" (Yes, I've been depressed. Picture the robot from Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.)

I've begun trying to change that. I've been reading my scriptures more, trying to find little moments to exercise (Cimorene likes watching me do push-ups, but I can't do sit-ups around her anymore because she tried to mimic me and threw herself backward onto her head). I've been taking Vitamin D3 to try to make up for the lack of sunlight. I've even put on makeup a couple times, because it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something with myself.

But more than anything, I've been praying for a change of heart. A change of holdning. And I'm getting there. I'm managing to be less irritated by little things, complain less about how little sleep I get. I'm smiling more. I'm enjoying my daughter more.

Someday my life will represent the statement, "Thy will be done." For now, I'm starting with, "I want to be good--please help me."

And He does.